We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
