Umm I'm too high to move.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
