All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
