I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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