he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
