OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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