On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
