How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
