today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
