Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
