I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
