Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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