conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
