I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
