Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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