if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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