His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
