Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
