I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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