i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
