If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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