Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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