I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize