remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
