i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
