Someone shit on the floor
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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