Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
