Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
