I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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