So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
