Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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