It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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