the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's blow job season.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
