He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
