i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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