I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
