dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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