I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
