My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
