Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
