Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
