i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
