she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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