Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
