I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
