i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
