I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
