Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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