Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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