Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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