I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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