Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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