I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
