The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need water and some morals
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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