I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
