i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
