She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
