Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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