tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
