hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
