this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
