I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
