just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
