dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
