im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
