im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
