The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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