He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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